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The storm Chapter 1

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1default The storm Chapter 1 on Sat Aug 28, 2010 6:31 pm

Aurora

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The wind blew hard as I stood there in the Northern Ocean Light House.A big storm was coming and there was nothing to do. For the next week, I would be stuck in the light house with my family.As I stood there, my parents and my big brothers got the things into the light house. They said that I'm to young to help them. All I could do was stand there and watch through the window. As I watched my family bring in the clothes and food, I noticed my little sister walking towards the lake. I started running down the stairs to get her before she fell in, but before i could get outside my mother stopped me.

"And where do you think you're going Liza?" Mother asked me."Mother I-" I couldnt finish my sentence because my sister fell into the lake. Quickly I ran over to the lake and dove in.But sadly, I didnt get to her in time. Before I could get to her, A wave came and drowned her.

Apperantly, My brother Jeff saw what happened because once I got back to he light house Jeff said, "You know, If I saw emmil drowning, I would have saved her."

Jeff ran up the stairs to tell the rest of the family, while I sat in the dark stairway to cry. I hadn't meant to let her drown I just couldn't get to her in time.

After a while when I decided it was time to face my family, I got up and walked up the stairs. Before I entered the den, I heard mum weeping and saying, "Why!!! WHY?" over and over again. I couldn't know if they would blame me until I talked to them. I entered the den silently but when I looked around, My brothers, Jeff and Charles, shook their heads. I looked at my father as he sat in the corner of the room praying. The last people I looked at was mother and Emmil's twin brother Emmit. They all knew that I became jelous when Emmil was born cause I liked being the only girl and with Emmil dead I was the only girl left.

"Why didn't you save her Liza? Why couldnt you have told me or your father she went outside? We could have saved her. Why would you kill her like this?" Mother asked me. As soon as she asked me those questions, I had had enough of this. Ever since I had turned three I was always supposed to be responsible and they always blamed things on me. I didnt say a word and ran down stairs, out the door of the lighthouse, and down to the dock. I thought that if I was gone then the family would be better off.

Mother and Father ran outside trying to stop me but when I heard mother telling me to get inside, I dove into the water and started swimming. Anyone who lived by a lighthouse knew that no one could survive swimming in a storm as bad as this and that was why I had started swimming.

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2default Re: The storm Chapter 1 on Sun Aug 29, 2010 12:38 am

Mystic_gohan

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Thats awesome Aurrora, make sure you continue this one!



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3default Re: The storm Chapter 1 on Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:24 am

Aurora

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im working on chapter two already! its gonna be a good story

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4default Re: The storm Chapter 1 on Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:23 pm

Naiwen

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First, I dunno what genre you're writting, but in my opinion, if you can take criticism, it lacks descriptions of feelings. If it's a short story, a novel, etc...How did you feel while she was drowning? What were your thoughts at the moment? Surely you must have felt something, despair, panic?

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5default Re: The storm Chapter 1 on Sat Sep 04, 2010 1:50 am

Mystic_gohan

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Naiwen wrote:First, I dunno what genre you're writting, but in my opinion, if you can take criticism, it lacks descriptions of feelings. If it's a short story, a novel, etc...How did you feel while she was drowning? What were your thoughts at the moment? Surely you must have felt something, despair, panic?

If you understand Naiwen, everyone has a unique method of writing.The cookie is how you enjoy it and how god the plot or the story line is!
And yes, constructive criticism is very well permitted



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