Clubbies V2.1 - Talk And Chat of Anything!
The storm Chapter 1 1867899995
Clubbies is the brand new destination for off topic chats. Our friendly staff and interesting members will make sure that your stay is just as enjoyable as it can get!

With Us, Entertainment Is a Guarantee



Join the forum, it's quick and easy

Clubbies V2.1 - Talk And Chat of Anything!
The storm Chapter 1 1867899995
Clubbies is the brand new destination for off topic chats. Our friendly staff and interesting members will make sure that your stay is just as enjoyable as it can get!

With Us, Entertainment Is a Guarantee

Clubbies V2.1 - Talk And Chat of Anything!
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Clubbies V2.1 - Talk And Chat of Anything!
show/hide
sliding
Content Here
Log in

You are not connected. Please login or register

The storm Chapter 1

3 posters

Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

1The storm Chapter 1 Empty The storm Chapter 1 Sat Aug 28, 2010 6:31 pm

Aurora

Aurora
Sub Junior Clubbie
Sub Junior Clubbie

The wind blew hard as I stood there in the Northern Ocean Light House.A big storm was coming and there was nothing to do. For the next week, I would be stuck in the light house with my family.As I stood there, my parents and my big brothers got the things into the light house. They said that I'm to young to help them. All I could do was stand there and watch through the window. As I watched my family bring in the clothes and food, I noticed my little sister walking towards the lake. I started running down the stairs to get her before she fell in, but before i could get outside my mother stopped me.

"And where do you think you're going Liza?" Mother asked me."Mother I-" I couldnt finish my sentence because my sister fell into the lake. Quickly I ran over to the lake and dove in.But sadly, I didnt get to her in time. Before I could get to her, A wave came and drowned her.

Apperantly, My brother Jeff saw what happened because once I got back to he light house Jeff said, "You know, If I saw emmil drowning, I would have saved her."

Jeff ran up the stairs to tell the rest of the family, while I sat in the dark stairway to cry. I hadn't meant to let her drown I just couldn't get to her in time.

After a while when I decided it was time to face my family, I got up and walked up the stairs. Before I entered the den, I heard mum weeping and saying, "Why!!! WHY?" over and over again. I couldn't know if they would blame me until I talked to them. I entered the den silently but when I looked around, My brothers, Jeff and Charles, shook their heads. I looked at my father as he sat in the corner of the room praying. The last people I looked at was mother and Emmil's twin brother Emmit. They all knew that I became jelous when Emmil was born cause I liked being the only girl and with Emmil dead I was the only girl left.

"Why didn't you save her Liza? Why couldnt you have told me or your father she went outside? We could have saved her. Why would you kill her like this?" Mother asked me. As soon as she asked me those questions, I had had enough of this. Ever since I had turned three I was always supposed to be responsible and they always blamed things on me. I didnt say a word and ran down stairs, out the door of the lighthouse, and down to the dock. I thought that if I was gone then the family would be better off.

Mother and Father ran outside trying to stop me but when I heard mother telling me to get inside, I dove into the water and started swimming. Anyone who lived by a lighthouse knew that no one could survive swimming in a storm as bad as this and that was why I had started swimming.

2The storm Chapter 1 Empty Re: The storm Chapter 1 Sun Aug 29, 2010 12:38 am

Mystic_gohan

Mystic_gohan
Administrator
Administrator

Thats awesome Aurrora, make sure you continue this one!

https://clubbies.forummotion.com

3The storm Chapter 1 Empty Re: The storm Chapter 1 Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:24 am

Aurora

Aurora
Sub Junior Clubbie
Sub Junior Clubbie

im working on chapter two already! its gonna be a good story

4The storm Chapter 1 Empty Re: The storm Chapter 1 Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:23 pm

Naiwen

Naiwen
Sub Junior Clubbie
Sub Junior Clubbie

First, I dunno what genre you're writting, but in my opinion, if you can take criticism, it lacks descriptions of feelings. If it's a short story, a novel, etc...How did you feel while she was drowning? What were your thoughts at the moment? Surely you must have felt something, despair, panic?

5The storm Chapter 1 Empty Re: The storm Chapter 1 Sat Sep 04, 2010 1:50 am

Mystic_gohan

Mystic_gohan
Administrator
Administrator

Naiwen wrote:First, I dunno what genre you're writting, but in my opinion, if you can take criticism, it lacks descriptions of feelings. If it's a short story, a novel, etc...How did you feel while she was drowning? What were your thoughts at the moment? Surely you must have felt something, despair, panic?

If you understand Naiwen, everyone has a unique method of writing.The cookie is how you enjoy it and how god the plot or the story line is!
And yes, constructive criticism is very well permitted The storm Chapter 1 75977

https://clubbies.forummotion.com

Sponsored content



Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum